We must face two realities about presentations:  We need to create chemistry, and we need to be a broadcaster. 

Webster’s Dictionary defines chemistry as, “the way two individuals relate to each other.”  Many times, the choice a consumer makes (whether it is someone choosing a person, a product, idea, or a service) is based on chemistry, and not on expertise.  “Chemistry” between you and your audience, gut instinct, and an indefinable feel for you as a presenter (and you as a person) is very influential when you are asking your audience to make a decision or a choice.  Chemistry is definitely a factor that will inspire your audience.  

The other challenge facing you when you’re a presenter is that you need to act like a television broadcaster.  

Television, particularly TV news shows, has subconsciously changed what people expect from a presentation.  Viewers expect a polished, virtually seamless (but not slick) delivery. The same applies to an audience listening to a speaker.  The audience might sit through a disorganized, rambling, incoherent presentation, but they will not respond positively to it.  When presenting, you have to think of yourself as broadcaster who is being rated by your viewers. Those viewers have an internal remote control with which they will change your channel very quickly if you do not engage them intellectually and emotionally. 

What can you do to make yourself a comfortable, natural, ­conversational, and professional presenter?  What can you do to give yourself the persuasive edge that produces the “YES!” response or even a standing ovation?   The answer is simple:  connect with your audience, and be natural.   

Your persuasion abilities are based on how connected you are with your message and your audience, and how close you are to your natural, or conversational, speaking style.  The non-verbal, psychological, emotional, and physical part of your presentation is what I call your “Zone”. When you make the mental and physical shift from talking to presenting, you are entering your Zone.   

After discussing the art of definitive, deliberate, and descriptive gestures in a recent seminar, I was approached by one of the attendees who was a military retiree–from the Marine Corps Band.  He was struck by the similarities between the principles of gesturing I had discussed and modeled and his instruction as a band director or symphony conductor.

“It’s amazing!” he said.  “We, too, learned that the signals (gestures) we give the band are within parameters, within a ‘box.’  Essentially, it is exactly within the pitcher’s strike zone, just as you described.  Like your gesture description, the flow of the conductor’s signals have both depth (out from the body) and latitude (the horizontal extension of the arms).”

“The conductor’s movements must have meaning and must be fluid, just like the way you have taught us to use our arms and body to produce a visual image of the spoken word.”

As he explained these concepts to me, he used his arms to visually explain the way a conductor keeps the desired rhythm but also brings in various instruments and soloists, sometimes with elaborate gestures, sometimes with just the lift of an eyebrow.

I was struck by his astute insight but also by how his analogy captured the essence of purposeful, non-random gestures.  Movement matches meaning.  Meaning must have purpose or it is wasted and worthless.

Presentation gestures are different from “talking gestures,” which are more random and repetitious.  Presentation gestures are:

1.  Between the beltline and shoulders

2.  A full extension of the arms and hands out from the chest, with firm wrists and “soft” hands–I call them “mitten” hands, not “glove” hands, which have tense, extended fingers

3.  And most importantly, useful in creating our personal “Power point space” in the “box” by aligning the concept with the movement: “on the other hand,” “as we move forward,” “let us all work as a team,” etc.

When we speak, we really are conducting an orchestra; we are the band leader.  The audience looks to us for meaning and that meaning must have a narrative flow as well as a physical flow.  “Presentation gestures” are one of the many ways to achieve both.

This is  a first:  4 incredible books in a row; I’m on a literary roll.  Here’s a brief summary of each:

·         When Will There Be Good News?  By Kate Atkinson.  You may recall several years ago I called her book, Case Histories, one of the best books I had read in some time; it still remains one of the top 5 of the last 5 years.    Jackson Brodie and Det. Louise Mason are back, on a case that began 30 years ago with the slaughter of an entire family…..except one, the daughter, who is now missing.  Atkinson makes me laugh out loud with her descriptions:  Gil from CSI:  Las Vegas—“he walks like a bear wearing a nappy.”  Taking place in Scotland, it takes you all over the place—where the heart lies, where humor tempers, and where fear and mystery ride side saddle.

·         The Black Tower by Louis Bayard.  An incredible historical fiction writer, Bayard wrote one of the finest examples of this genre with The  Pale Blue Eye, about Edgar Alan Poe while he was at West Point– a gripping mystery. Taking place in Paris in the mid-19^th century, it “stars” the real-life first modern detective:  Vidocq.  The essential question is:  what really happened to the son, a mere boy,  of Marie Antoinette, Louis-Charles?  Did he die in the Black Tower, or did he escape through the efforts of his doctor and a mystery “helper”?  Was the 10 year old smuggles out and has Vidocq and a young medical student found him, 20 years later, and who does not want him found…if indeed it is he?  If you have ever been to Paris, you will love the descriptions of its streets, parks, life.  You must read through to the very last page.  Gripping to the end.

·         The Good Thief by Hannah Tinti:  I love Dickens, so if you do, too, dive in.  12-year-old Ren is missing his left hand, which leaves him “unplace-able” at St. Anthony’s Orphanage, but a stranger/con man arrives and snaps him up, and together they go on a perfect PBS journey through the New England of the mid-19^th century.  Shakespearian in his characters—scan artists, grave robbers, and petty thieves—it is a delightful romp.  This is an author to watch; I learned about the book in The New Yorker.

·         Wolf to the Slaughter by Ruth Rendell:  Along P.D. James, Ruth Rendell is one of the grande dames literary mystery writers, and this is a race of a read.  CI Wexford is back, a party girl is missing, there is a bloody room but no body….and off she goes.  She is psychic in the way she reads her characters’ minds and gives us psychological insights into human motivation.  She is always the perfect “airplane” book to read.  You will be riding the wave mystery till the very end.

As a voracious viewer of National Geographic’s Friday night television program, “The Dog Whisperer” with Cesar Milan, and a leadership seminar consultant, one who loves making Connections from incongruous sources, I am always struck by the similarities of “becoming the pack leader” and the “art of leadership.”

Cesar Milan tackles dog problems which are the worst of the worst, from “red zone” dogs (read “steroid” aggression) to dogs who “own their owners,” to cowering dogs fearful of the slightest noise or movement.

What is fascinating about the show is something all his fans know:  Cesar usually works more with the owners than he does with their dogs.  The owners have not reached that “calm, submissive state” wherein they become the “leader of the pack.”  Dogs, like many people, will instinctively fill a leadership void, even though they are a 5 pound Chihuahua.

Connection Number 1:  Power has nothing to do with size, gender, or age.  It has to do “owning” one’s space, using non-verbals of confidence and ease, and demanding respect in a respectful way.

Cesar often trains people to use their non-verbals–their “presence”–to command respect.  Dogs, like people, sense and can take advantage of fear, anxiety, or helplessness.  Dogs know passive/submissive dogs instantly, and they know the same about their owners.

So Cesar will teach the owner how to pull their shoulders back yet remain relaxed, walk with the chest up and out, keep their eyes straight ahead and hold the leash with a slight touch, not with nervous tension.

Connection Number 2:  There are times when we have to bluff confidence through managing our non-verbals:  eye contact, posture, vocal tone.  When I teach presentation skills, I teach the cultural non-verbals of credibility and authority this culture values so highly and then translate these into specific non-verbals to exhibit in front of an audience.

Cesar works with attitude by teaching owners to “be in the moment,” just like their animals are.  Do not expect the dog to exhibit the same destructive behavior that has been a part of the past.  This is the first hour of change; do not look back; look past the fear that change cannot occur.  Do not “What if” your way into expecting old behaviors.  Keep trying until the dog “surrenders” to the new expectations.  Take charge of the process.

Connection Number 3:  When tackling a new leadership role at work or attempting to overcome the fear of public speaking, focus on the first step of change, let go of old negative expectations, accept the discomfort of change, acknowledge it is the first step, and do not look back.  As a client once said to me: ”Fear of public speaking is nothing but an old habit.  I’m tired of that habit.  I am going to break it….starting now.  That was then.  Now is now.” 

He is now a fully confident, polished, comfortable leader and presenter.  But first he had to change his expectations and diligently practice his new habits.

I am surprised Cesar Milan has not been approached by a publishing company to write a leadership book–for people–using the same principles he uses in training dogs and their owners.  When I find a client who watches the show consistently, as I do, it is so easy to translate the leadership techniques into ones that are useful in the work place.

You can learn something from this show even if you are not a pet owner.  Leadership is leadership and being a “pack leader” who leads without exhibiting anger, defensiveness, or passivity is powerful in both personal and professional worlds.

So whether you are an anxious five pound Chihuahua or a red zone Chow, you can learn some life changing techniques simply by tuning in each Friday night for an hour of “The Dog Whisperer.”

A business mixer can be a wonderful opportunity to present oneself professionally and at the same time send messages of credibility, expertise, maturity, and self awareness.

On the other hand, it can be a disastrous time to step on people’s toes (literally and figuratively), reveal a streak of self-centeredness, and reveal we care more about technology than we do about people.

“Working a room” requires preparation, thoughtfulness, mindfulness, self-discipline, and an appreciation of some basic Do’s and Don’ts.

1. Business cards:  Consider a business card exchange to be the equivalent of handing someone a Polaroid snapshot of yourself–Are “you” up to date?  “Neatly” presented (or bent and soiled)? On the receiving end, at least pretend to look at the card, make a comment or ask a question.  Don’t just shove it into a pocket or purse.  If you do, your card will end up in the nearest trashcan.
2. Name-tags:  Wear it on your right side, so the eye can travel up the handshake arm, directly to your name and your eyes.  And always “present” your name–both first and last, slowly; never assume we will remember who you are unless you are the Queen of England.
3. Shaking hands:  Make it energetic and engaged but not bone-crunching.  Make it gender neutral.  Use the thumb web-to-web technique and eliminate jewelry which might distract from your confident energy or even cause pain.  Do not apologize for a cold hand or wet hand (be engaging, use eye contact….and carry powder and a handkerchief in your pocket for the latter…and no one will notice).
4. Logistics:

              **  Move out of the doorway; then scope out where you want to go and why.  If shy, choose the shyest looking person in the room to go to first.  You will make a friend forever.

             **  Carry your drink in your left hand, leaving your right hand dry and unencumbered for the firm, fully confident handshake you will be giving.

             **  Eat before you go.  You cannot juggle a wobbly plate of food, a wine glass and shake hands professionally.  Grazing can be an excuse for avoiding meeting as many people as possible.

            **  Plan and practice aloud your “presentation” of self, sometimes called the “elevator speech” (no more than 45 seconds in length).  It should be memorized yet flexible enough to be adapted to various “audiences,” and each time you say it, it must sound fresh, energetic, and sincere.

         **  Move to people you don’t know.  Don’t huddle with the people you do.  It is easy and comfortable to flock together, but working a room requires going outside those you know best and outside your comfort zone.  This is not a high school hallway; it a professional business zone.

5.  Technology Etiquette

         **  Don’t enter the room looking like Techno/Verizon Man.  Remove devices from your belt and ears.  Put your cell phone on vibrate unless you are waiting for a call about a heart transplant.  Do NOT even look to see who is calling, unless your wife is expected to go into labor momentarily, and if this is so, you should not be out “working a room.”

In the world of business, as in theatre, we are always “on.”  A business mixer truly puts us in the spotlight.  We are always being watched, even when we think we are not.  Just make sure yours is the business card they keep…..and call.

When I meet with various clients in my role as an executive coach, a frequent question asked of me is:  How does one have a difficult conversation with an employee about ________?  The fill-in-the-blank might be any number of issues, from inappropriate dress to rude and belligerent emails.

My most recent conversation was with the CEO of a medium-sized company who was being rubbed raw by a habit of one his recent hires. That habit which he found most annoying was the constant chewing of gum in the office–everywhere in the office:  his cubicle, the hallway, in meetings, in the elevator. 

 He described the machinations of the gum chewing in great detail, even describing the types of bubbles the employee occasionally blew, with the inevitable POP he knew was coming and his dread of that moment.

After listening, I asked a very simple question:  Have you told him how annoying you find this to be?  His answer was also very simple:  No. 

Obviously, my next question was:  Why not?

“Well, why should I have to tell him something that is so obvious?  Doesn’t everyone know you don’t chew gum on the job?! (Obviously not.)  Surely he will figure it out.  I give him dirty looks.  Why can’t he read the disapproval on my face?  I feel silly discussing this conduct with an adult.”

My response was this:  Is all this really a rationalization for not having a difficult conversation?  He sheepishly replied in the affirmative.

None of us likes to have difficult conversations, within our personal or professional domains, but if we do not, our anger builds and becomes corrosive; our resentment feeds upon itself and becomes the dominant emotion we feel around this person; our helplessness grows and makes us feel powerless and hopeless…even if the issue is chewing gum.

A book I have ordered for all the attendees of an upcoming company retreat I am conducting includes some principles and basic do’s and don’t’s that will help all of us stratagize, plan, and execute a difficult conversation, with both parties leaving the interaction feeling intact and hopeful.  The book is called “Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time” by Susan Scott.

It is based upon her “Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations,” which include, for instance #1:  Master the courage to interrogate reality (”People change and forget to tell one another.”)  #4:  Tackle your toughest challenge today (”Burnout doesn’t occur because we’re solving problems; it occurs because we are solving the same problems over and over.  The problem named is the problem solved.”)  Or #6:  Take responsibility for your emotional wake (”For a leader, there is no trivial comment.”)

One of her major themes is:  The conversation IS the relationship.  Yet, most of us will lie to ourselves, to others; we will swallow our truths, fearing the outcome of truthfulness, imprisoning ourselves in deceit and passivity.

Scott gives basic tips on “Getting Started,” which most of think is the hardest part, and includes many actual examples and conversations which come from her own clients.  She urges the elimination of blame as a method of describing reality.  Other responses she asks us to avoid are sarcasm, exaggerating, saying “If I were you….,” and refusing to speak (which is not to be confused with the disciplined acceptance of the power and beauty of silence.)

This is a practical, short, readable book, simple without being superficial or simplistic.  The truths are obvious, but if they are so obvious, why can’t we have a simple conversation about how annoying gum chewing is in the workplace?

When I meet individually with clients in preparation for a high-stakes presentation, we usually begin with the Message–the content, its organization, its clarity, and flow–before we start work on the Messenger–the delivery, the manner in which the human element owns the message and presents it with confidence and comfort.

Often times, the presentation will also contain a Power Point slide show as part of the “staging” of the message.  I am usually surprised that the client has put together a very complete Power Point “show” before stategizing the purpose and plan of the message.  In other words, clients begin with a template, plug in the data in some sort of reasonable order, and then want to jump directly to the delivery part of the practice and preparation.

Then I tell them one of the most important principles of effective presentations:  Message Comes First; Message Drives the Power Point slides.  The Power Point slides do not drive the Message.  Almost 100% of the time clients do not abide by this principle.  Why?  Because it is easier than crafting a message first and then surrounding that message with a unique, supportive, visually appealing, surprising, “understated,” and persuasive Power Point.

So then we begin the hard and self-disciplined work of deciding the purpose of the presentation, its flow, its connections (transitions), it theme, its strategic examples, its analogies, its opening, its close, and everything else that creates a powerful, persuasive message.

Then and only then does the Power Point come into play.  The message drives the Power Point selection.  Adaptation to each individual audience helps us make template selections, graphic selections, prioritization of points, when and how to animate the bullets…..IF there needs to be bullets or does a simple, powerful, graphically arresting picture carry the entire meaning (with the leave-behind containing the statistical data).

So, next time you have a high-stakes presentation to prepare, don’t take the habitual, easy approach, i.e., letting the Power Point slides drive your message.  Take charge of the message first, and let the Power Point follow the flow of the message.  And, remember, make sure you differentiate between the Power Point “show” and leave-behind playbill.  When the message drives the production of the Power Point, your message will be hard hitting, persuasive, concise, and on target.  Be the driver; don’t be the passenger.

The term “Crackberry Addict,” now a pop culture term, was coined by Paul Levy, President of Boston’s Beth Israel Medical Center. He confesses to being a recovering “Crackberry Addict” himself. “I know the result of such over reliance —manners disappear, relationships disappear..….people have a craving to get back to it.” (The“it” can be a cell phone or an addiction to checking our text or email messages every 30 seconds.)

Last year Levy quit cold turkey, and he says he has discovered marvelous things: “The sun rises in the morning and sets at night.”

Technology addiction comes in many forms: video games, laptops, I pods, cell phones, IM’ing. We’ve all felt dismissed, frustrated, annoyed and certainly disengaged from the techno addicts surrounding us….or we may look in the mirror and see one blankly staring back at us.

The casualties of the digital age have resulted in the first of “Wii-itis”— intense physical pain from playing the Wii video game system for too long. Physicians are already familiar with “Nintendinitis.”

So what are the symptoms that reveal our shift from responsible, appropriate, and essential use of technology into a state of addiction, and is “addiction” too melodramatic a word to use?

Dr. Kim Young, the Clinical Psychologist who wrote the first book on Internet Addiction,believes there are indeed diagnosable signals: an intense preoccupation and inability to control (much less STOP) use of technology; use of technology as an escape, and, finally, putting technology use above personal relationships.

The other side of the debate asserts we are all addicted to the use of technology, in thesame way we are addicted to the use of cars. They are an essential means to an end.Our companies demand—and we as consumers expect—instant communication and accountability. Not a bad thing.

So it comes down to the choices we make in this area—between responsibility and habitual need and between instant gratification and long-term fulfillment.  In fact, Microsoft has teamed up with etiquette experts at The Finishing Academy to produce a guide to the correct situation, form, and manner of communicating with others in our fast-paced and competitive environment.

We are a connected business world, but many principles of common courtesy and relationship building remain the same, no matter the technology—from cell phone to Blackberry to emails.

Here are three suggestions I will make in order to enhance your Technology Presence:

1. Conscientiously—and consciously–work on your technology “presence.”   Some people’s emails are immediately dismissed because they know what’s coming: a silly joke, a tirade, an irrelevant copy of another email. Communicate strategically and well, no matter the medium. Leave a voice mail with “presence,” use the cell phone and Blackberry discretely and appropriately: turn away from your “screen addiction,” make eye contact, and communicate person to person.

2. Evaluate how people want to be contacted—such as, evaluating generational differences and communication preferences. Emailing or texting certain people will alienate, not communicate. Pick up the phone and talk! It may take longer, but the long-term benefits of relationship building—and showing respect– are inestimable.

3. Think as carefully about a high stakes technology communication as you would about a high stakes presentation or letter. Choose your content and format, know the receiver’s formality expectations and preferences, and edit as if your career depended on it. In fact, it may.

Technology is a given. It is an absolute necessity for our fast paced, competitive businesses and lives. But when it becomes a barrier to our inter-relationships, when bad manners become a habit, when we become addicted to instant and constant communication, we have squandered all of technology’s benefits.

Try going Cold Turkey over a weekend. Some companies have recently instituted “No Email Fridays”—forcing their employees to pick up the phone, walk down the hallway, take someone to lunch. If this very concept causes your heart to palpitate and you just broke out in a full-body sweat, it may be time to re-evaluate your addiction to technology.

A recent AP wire story described a phenomenon called “ringxiety” or fauxcellarm” which occurs when Blackberry and cell phone addicts report feeling vibrations when there are none or feeling the sensation of wearing a cell phone when they are not. “If your hipbone is connected to your Blackberry or your thighbone is connected to your cell phone, the phantom vibrations you are feeling may be coming from your head bone.”

Jake Ward, former press secretary of Sen. Olympia Snowe, “claims to ‘pre-feel’ a new message or call. I’ll feel it, look at it. It’s not vibrating. Then it starts vibrating. I am at one with my Blackberry.”

Some of us are “at one” with our cell phone or our “Ding. You’ve got mail” signal…..perhaps the word “addict” is not too strong?

1. Don’t mistakenly press “Reply to all”—This action could be very embarrassing to you and to “all.”

4. For high-stakes emails, print out the email, and read aloud to catch any tonal “errors.”

5. Get rid of cute fonts and stationery—remember “presence”

6.  If there are 3 emails or text messages (email, response, response to the  response) pick up the phone or use your feet to walk over to the next cubicle.

7. Use “urgent” with great discretion—have your “urgent” be respected.

8. When sending attachments, give the recipient the highlights of the attachment (s).

9. When texting a high-stakes message, indicate you will send a more comprehensive (less abrupt) message by email within the day or that you will call to discuss in more detail.

10. Acknowledge and accept that you may have grown lazy in your choice of  communication techniques and /or you may have become addicted….and that you will make changes.

I have just finished a book by the author of one of the most impressive books I have read in the last 5 years:  The House of Sand and Fog.  Andre Dubus III has just published ‘The Garden of Last Days,’ an incredibly complex interweaving of potent characters in one of the most compelling ‘environments’ of any fiction I have read:  the two days preceding the Sept. 11 attack on The Twin Towers.

Taking place in Florida, the narrative follows a stripper at the strip club one of the future terrorists has become addicted to, the caretaker of the stripper’s little girl, Franny; the kind hearted bouncer, an achingly lonely man who is injured when he is thrown out of the club…….even the smallest role in the book is handled with care and vibrancy.

BUT this is a depressing read.  It is an agonizing story of loneliness, bad judgment, delusional choices, and an urgent desire to connect with someone, anyone.  The San Antonio Express News had an excellent review of this book last Sunday.  The reviewer said, quite accurately, “You constantly want to shout out to the characters:  ‘No!  Don’t do it!’”

Like The House of Sand and Fog—and the excellent movie adaptation—The Garden of Last Days (yes, full of religious symbolism)—is chiefly about cultural misunderstanding and how being “blind” can lead to desperate and devastating outcomes.  (The final scene with Ben Kingsley in The House of Sand and Fog haunts me to this day.)

It is a page turner, but it is also a ‘workout’ because your muscles will be tight and tense as you read.  It never let me go; it is long—555 pp.—but it is worth it and it flies by.  I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough, but I didn’t want to look at the next page, as well.  The conflict between ‘read on’ and ‘don’t read on’ is palpable.

Wonderful book, if you can handle it.   If you handled The House of Sand and Fog, you can do it!